I suffered with depression, many years ago. It was a dark time for me and one in which I spent a lot of time playing the victim role. This is not to trivialize it but rather to allow you access into my mind at the time. As that victim of my mental state, I cried often, I found it hard to find joy in anything. I felt victimized by my circumstances and I did not have a way out of it. At least that’s what it felt like. Your perception as a depressed person is altered so much that it is virtually impossible to rationalize what is truly a disaster as opposed to a minor obstacle in the bumpy road we call life.
I was hungry to feel loved. I wrote the verses of the song then. I felt in my church upbringing that I had disappointed God with the way I lived life. I felt like God could not possibly love me, although I could not tell you what would have made God hate me so much in hindsight. Some of my religious backgrounds taught me that Jesus died on the Cross for my sins and so I am saved and therefore I am also loved because, who in their right, rational mind would ever give up their life if they did not love you intently. The verses are dark, haunting and sung that way as they are a true representation of how I felt at the time. This was at least 10 years ago.
The Chorus, written just about 2 years ago came to me just by itself. I did not know where it would fit into any of my songs and I thought it was just another message that I had to finish as a whole song. I tried and I could not figure it out. I left it. 1yr later, I looked at the verses of the song and thought, I need to finish this, I need a chorus. I sang it, and sang it and flipped through pages of my song book as I sang it over and over and then just as a room is illuminated with the flip of a switch. The chorus lit up and convincingly attached itself to this song. Triumph!! I had finished it.
It was a song that wrote itself from tears and a genuine longing to know God personally. I know that many of you are in that dark place and looking for a way out. Use the message in this song. Allow the presence of God to completely saturate every molecule of your being and watch yourself Bloom into the happy, prosperous, loveable, confident child of God that you are!
VS1: There are days when I feel, there’s no way He loves me When my sins seem to outweigh all the good I’ve ever done When my tears flow like rain, when I think how much pain I must be putting my God through
Pre Chorus: Then I ask myself, what He did on that cross And I know what it means to be loved
Chorus: I know, my God loves me x3 Just one look at me and you will see
VS2: Oh, God, God on high, Am I worth your sacrifice Oh my God, Messiah I do vow to make you proud Even when my spirit’s weak, you stand with arms open wide Thank you God, I am yours for all time
Pre Chorus: Again, I tell myself, what He did on that cross And I know what it means to be loved
Chorus
Bridge: You will see it in the eyes of my children You will see it in my friend’s tender smile In your tears shed from broken places You feel His love filtering through
